Everything seems to be falling place now, just like the cooling rods into a nuclear reactor core.  I just want my life to be normal again, before everything, before the dark times, before the end of my life.  I have risen again, from the dead, and I am back here to live for good.  I might never die, if the future is how I believe it to be, I will be immortal.  These might seem like grandiose and delusional thoughts, or both, but I believe so much in the power and the influence of the human mind that I believe in infinite possibilities.  There is so much science and physics in particular have to give us now and in the future.  If we would just start funding our educational programs, we will find the key to immortal living, and chemically engineer a way to live to the fullest.  There is a website similar to the Brave New World, in which people envision a life without pain, agony, depression, or any other negative emotion.  I must revolt.

Although it would be nice to be immortal, and have actual self-realization on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the truth must come about.  I just saw an advertisement for a pharmaceutical drug that will preclude and stunt a child's actual physical and hormonal and sexual development in order for them to decide their sexuality, and segue them into a sex change which can then be decided on the subject's time.  What are we doing?  Parents implanting microchips in the brains of their children?  What is this world coming to?  I will not let it happen.  But I am not enough power.  I need more energy, more motion, more mass and clout to move this world to the way it is supposed to be.

All I can do is sit in my apartment alone with a keyboard and a computer and write down my thoughts that most likely will never be read.  I feel I must revolt against the way the world is going, moving, alternating, cycling, whatever it feels like.  People, human beings, actual individuals have lost the very thing that this country was once way back founded upon.  The freedom to choose, to speak our voices, to make a change.  The idea was that in a free society, we would all have equal weight, we could all make a change, just as an individual.  We have turned into a brainwashed society by media, fashion, entertainment, and all the other distractions we are driven to mask our unhappiness.  We are unhappy because we have forgotten the existential dilemma, the core of our beings.  The very fabric we are composed of.  We have become an amalgam of bubble gum and pop music.  We are synaesthes mixing up all of our senses, hedonistic, needing instant gratification in every single aspect of our life.  We are fatter, stupider, and more ignorant about political and world issues than ever before.  Open your eyes.

Drop out and tune in.  Please question the status quo, the conventional, the institutions and laws and politicians that are changing the world in front of us.  But we are blinded, we can't see through the façade.  This country is failing me, it will not let me simply be.  As a mentally ill individual I have been cut to the edges of the society that once accepted me wholeheartedly.  But I never accepted it, for driven to the depths of depression, I saw it for what it was.  I saw evil working all around the world to obtain power, and I became helpless and blind.

I was born deaf so I studied a lot through books.  I learned quickly.  I got high to get low.  I wallowed in my depressions and pored through encyclopedias and books.  I knew everything except my own head.  That was the problem.  And as I tried to find my true self, there were too many obstacles.  To be continued…