Accessories are vital to an outfit.  The right earrings, belt, shoes, purse...can pull something ordinary into the realm of spectacular.  Celebrity trends in the way of accessories tend to push the envelope.  From wearing a dress that looks like a dead swan to toting around multiple small, shaky dogs that look fresh out of the womb, female celebs have interesting outlooks on what makes their outfit, their persona, stand out from all the rest.

A trend that seemed to pop up for too long was one that should never have been a "trend" and one I pray does not return: vaginas.  Now, yes, a vagina is an immaculate and amazing device.  They are all unique and special and each one takes a man a long time, if not forever, to figure out precisely how to use even with instruction.  Maybe this is why some, such as Britney Spears, find that hiking up their micro-minis and giving the world a flash of their hoo-ha would be a good idea.  "Hey, y' all, look at my baby maker!"  She makes a statement, intentional or not.   But I' m not sure if this method is used to draw attention to her or frighten people away.

When those like Ms. Spears and others such as Lindsay Lohan and my favorite friend Paris Hilton, wake up in the morning and decide what they are going to wear, one has to inquire as to why the first thing on that list is not underwear.  They wear outfits which, to most, would be considered TShirts but which they manage to make into dresses somehow, and they climb in and out of SUVs with their entourage on a regular basis.  They are followed by photographers constantly, so, guaranteed if you spread your legs apart as if an invisible Jaws of Life has worked its way between them while you are stepping out of said vehicle, someone is going to see your naughty bits.  While the man...er, woman, animal whatever...you sleep with may enjoy that kind of money shot on a regular basis, most of the world does not care to see what your little velvet purse looks like.  They are called private parts for a reason, after all.

So, when the question arises, ladies, on whether panties are appropriate for the situation, ask yourself some vital questions:

1) Am I in a skirt?  Better yet, am I in an item designed as a tube top that I chose to wear as a skirt?

2) Am I climbing out of a vehicle inappropriately?

3) Am I going to be consuming alcohol or doing so many drugs I don' t know where I left my purse much less know better than to cover my intimates up?

4) Am I Britney Spears?

If you answered yes to any of the following, please, for our sake more than anything else, take a trip to WalMart and pick up some $2.99 panties.  I' ll even loan you the money.