...dogs men out?

"Hey mama..."
I ain't your f**king mama.

"Hey mamasita!"
I ain't your f**king little mama either.

"Hey baaaybee."
You must have mistaken me for your sister

"Ouch! SEXY!"
I will hurt you for real..

"Hola Cheeeena!"
I'm half Korean, a**hole..

"Kamsameedaaah!"
Oh, aren't you the prized cow for knowing how to say "hello" in my mother's language.

"NICE!" followed by the guy making a U-Turn to jump in front of me and walk backwards just to face me for a few moments before a friend of his grabbed him and pulled him out of my way.
You should be weened out of the gene pool.

"Damn, you fine" followed by a purposeful bump into my shoulder as he passes me.
Oops, you had a white pullover hoodie on and my red pen was out because I was writing a note in my moleskin...I wonder when you're going to notice that long red mark on your sleeve...

"Hey honey. Get in and I'll show you a good time." Guy leaning out his car window as I walked down 28th street between Park and Lexington avenue.
I'm sorry, but did your $5.00 hooker mother let you out of the house again?

"Woooowww..." Followed by a low whistle and the longest most uncomfortable staredown ever.
One step closer and you lose your penis.

" *thisk, thisk, thisk* " Various men make that annoying clicking sound.
Yep. If you call to me as if you're trying to heard stray cats, yes, yes indeed I will come to you. You got it guys. Its that easy.

"Damn girl, I gots to get your number." The guy held out his phone to me as I passed him.
1-800-GO2-HELL

Handfuls of men stand outside of their storefronts and their heads turn in unison to follow the walk of me and other women as we pass by. Their heads bob up and down as they scan us from head to toe.
Maybe I can will that scaffolding to fall and poke your eyes out.

A tall handsome man (a cross between David Becham and Pierce Brosnan) with unbelievable blue eyes, wavy dark mocha brown hair, and a pinstripe suit that fit him oh sooooooooo well... stood two strides ahead of me on the corner of 57th and Madison. He turned to glance at me and thank the forces of nature for making it a sunny day so my sunglasses hid the fact that I was totally, TOTALLY checking him out. Three times he turned to look at me. Three times I pretended to totally ignore him, but really, his suit pants fit him quite nicely and the hair curled around the tops of his ears was adorable. The light turned and he slowed down to let me catch up/pass him. I fell in step next to him among the crowd of suits and high heels and briefcases. He then turned to look right at me as we were practically side by side and very obviously looked me up and down, then leaned back a wee bit to look at my butt with an "uh huh" so low and under his breath, I'm not totally sure it was real. He ran ran into some guy who had suddenly stopped on the sidewalk ahead of him and I continued on my walk to my meeting.
Why you gotta be so obvious? Didn't your momma teach you any manners or did all you learn is how to wear a stupid gaudy pinky ring? Ugh. So pretty to look at but you ain't worth sh*t.


"Miss, you are a very beautiful woman." An elderly man standing on the corner by my bagel vendor, lowered his paper and looked at me over the top of his wire rimmed glasses.
"Oh! Thank you." Smile.
"Have a good day."
"You too, sir."
Why did the cost of my large tea go up a quarter?

*sigh* All in one week and all between 8a.m. and 9a.m. on the way to work (except for pinky ring guy which was today around noon). In every single moment, I was wearing my ginormous sunglasses, so all these men could really see was my body, my hair, and half of my face. I could have a freakin' third eyeball, or hairy moles all around my upper cheeks, or one eye missing, or gangrene taking over my forehead, or worms coming out of my skin, or pus filled boils covering the upper half of my face, or blood coming out of my eyeballs... All they know is that I am female, one of many that pass them by on the street...one of many who will silently yell and curse at them but act as if they never heard what was said or saw what was done. I am just another female who will keep on walking by as if none of the gross sleazy men even exist. Usually its easy to tune out the feral strays...except this week it seemed a bit ridiculous and overwhelming the amount of cat calls the dogs were howling out.

All those dogs best beware. One of these mornings, I'm going to have my claws out.